Alzheimer's: Planting happiness on Mother's Day
I generally love holidays. I always celebrate, even small days, with special food and décor. I like to make life fun. When my daughter and my brother’s two kids were small, we started some fun traditions for Mother’s Day, a favorite.
After Mom’s dementia diagnosis we made sure we celebrated that day in person with her. It can be hard to give gifts to someone with dementia. Later in her journey Mom did not understand presents; opening them was confusing. So, I often found a way to do things instead.
Mom loved flowers and one year early on in her Alzheimer’s journey asked me to bring her outdoor blooms. I bought Mom a big, colorful pot. I figured filling it with dirt and flowers at our house in Raleigh and transporting it to her in Greensboro would be a recipe for a messy spill in the car, especially when Alicia was in preschool.
So, I took Alicia to Logan’s Garden Shop downtown after school on Friday, and we picked out an array of colorful flowers and bought a bag of potting soil. Then on Sunday we transported the load to Mom and Dad’s, along with my husband’s beloved ice cream maker. (My Mom, even in her latest years of dementia, always brightened up when she had Jay’s homemade vanilla ice cream.)
We set up outside. Mom had a ball watching and helping me, my daughter, niece and nephew pot the plants. Did we get a little dirty? Of course. But that was half the fun. Then she and the kids supervised as my husband got the ice cream maker going, holding the box of rock salt and piling on the ice, each volunteering to be the first taste tester.
We continued that Mother’s Day tradition for years, bringing new flowers to refill the expanding collection of pots. Nana and her grandchildren happily laughing and planting together.
Mom’s first Mother’s Day in her memory care facility was extra-special. We had moved her in during the pandemic lockdown, so we could not visit for several months, but thankfully her facility was able to open again for limited family visitors by May. This would be my daughter’s first time to see her Nana in memory care.
The week of the holiday, the facility put on a lovely Mother’s Day Tea. We were spaced out and wore masks but could take them off to eat our snacks and take a few photos. It was a perfect first visit for Alicia because we had an activity to do. You can’t go wrong with cake and lemonade. No matter what, the three of us have always enjoyed sweets together. Then we walked back to show Mom’s room to Alicia, a short but successful visit.
Mom’s second and final year in memory care, Alicia really had wanted to do the Mother’s Day Tea again. Unfortunately, Mom could no longer tolerate being in larger, noisier groups and was struggling. In fact, the day of the tea, my brother and I ended up in an emergency meeting with Mom’s Hospice nurse, social worker and medical director of her facility after a string of challenges Mom was experiencing. That crisis day made me so thankful my family had fully embraced the years we could celebrate with Mom.
I still think of Mom and the fun we had with the kids when I walk down rows filled with flats of flowers, ready to be planted. If I’m honest, a big part of me is dreading Mother’s Day this year, my first without Mom. But I hope Alicia and I can plant a few flowers or do something special in Mom’s memory. We might just have to break out that ice cream maker...
Helpful Resources:
Andrea Osborne is Capitol Broadcasting Company’s director of content. She has daughter in high school and recently lost her mother who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She will be sharing her family’s journey here on WRAL’s family section.
